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July 14, 2014

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Signs

I am always flabbergasted by the ubiquitous restroom sign: “Please do not flush feminine products down the toilet.  They will clog the plumbing.  Use the receptacle provided. Thank you.”  I mean, really?  Every time, I wonder, who are the morons who don’t know this?  Do they have plumbed toilets in their own home or do […]

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July 8, 2014

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The Day A Fish Died

Last summer, I went swimming in the ocean, floating really, bobbing gently on the waves, in no more than three feet of water (see previous stories on fear of sharks.)  Normally, I would pee in the ocean, (hey, millions of animals pee in it every day, don’t judge me), but since I had been out […]

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May 9, 2014

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Bucket List

One of the items on my rather modest Bucket List is to die with all my original teeth in my head.  Or at least permanent implants. The first time I saw my grandmother in the hospital, where they remove your false teeth upon arrival, I determined right then and there, that as God as my […]

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April 14, 2014

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The Year of The Shark

As read at “Cheaper Than Therapy – A Storytelling Show” on April 12, 2014   I was a hyper-sensitive 10-year-old in 1975, when my parents thought it would be a great idea to take me and my 6-year-old sister to see “Jaws” at a drive-in theater in a little town close to ours. That shit […]

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March 31, 2014

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But what about the stupid people?

There is a certain faction in this country that decries helping those who are poorest among us. They don’t want to offer those less fortunate food assistance or provide adequate medical care. The battle cry is “get a job” or “pull up them boot straps.” That’s all well and good but I have always wondered, […]

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January 14, 2014

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2013 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog. Here’s an excerpt: A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 3,900 times in 2013. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 3 trips to carry that many people. Click here to […]

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December 12, 2013

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Remembering Sandy Hook Elementary

I usually write humorous, personal essays about my experiences and observations, but today, that is not what is on my mind.  Today, I remember where I was on December 14th, 2012. On a beautiful, fall-like day (typical for December in Alabama), I was taking an hours-long walk with my friend Jen – what we called […]

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November 11, 2013

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Merry Freakin’ Christmas: 2.0

At Christmastime, most people deck their halls with boughs of holly.  At my house, my husband and I come close to decking each other.  My husband, through no fault of his own, is Bosnian.  This means he is hard-headed.  Literally, his head is like a solid chunk of concrete.  Looking up stubborn in the dictionary, one […]

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September 8, 2013

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Row, Row, Row Your Boat

I am not what you would call, “the outdoor type.”  As a matter of fact, I just got back from two weeks in California… San Francisco, Napa, Sonoma, Los Angeles, Malibu, Carmel… and my husband agrees, the only time I was unnecessarily bitchy was in Yosemite National Park.  I mean, Yosemite is awesome, but good […]

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August 26, 2013

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Cash Poor

My husband and I never have any cash.  I mean NEVER.  It is ridiculous.  We have money in the bank but no ATM card so that money is pretty useless to us on a Sunday. Why don’t we have ATM cards?  I mean, they’re free and good for emergencies.  Well, I have no idea to […]

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