Oh, New Year’s Resolutions, why do you torture us frail humans so? We begin each year anew with dreams of greatness and by February, we are face down in a box of Krispy Kremes.
I for one will not give up! My dreams will continue! I will believe that I can be a “better me” each and every day of every new year for as long as I draw breath. On that note, I offer my resolutions for 2013.
1. This year I vow to only use the F-word once a day. This only refers to saying it out loud. I am free to think it as much I want. And should I go over that limit, I have to deduct it from future days. For example, if I say the F-word three times in a single day, then I have to go the next two consecutive days without using it AT ALL.
However, I also have “roll-over” f-word credits. If I go five days f-word free, then on the next day, I can let her fly six times.
2. This year I vow to substitute the word “stinks” for “sucks” as in “That stinks.” This sounds much nicer and I realize that unlike some other substitute swear words (darn, heck, shoot); I get the same mouth feel and emotional benefit from the less offensive word.
3. This year I vow to not raise my voice to my child, however, talking to her through gritted teeth is permitted. I will wait until 2014 to offer the same deal to my husband.
4. Not all my resolutions revolve around my colorful communication skills. I, like many people, vow to exercise more and eat less, specifically to eat less sugar. Bwahahahaha. No seriously, I would like to weigh a minimum of 1 pound less this time next year! I like to keep my goals reasonable.
5. This year I vow to spend less time on the computer, or face down in any electronic, and more time with my family. I want to spend more time making memories and less time recording them for posterity. And as I write these resolutions, my daughter has been begging me to get off this computer and play a new Lego game with her… not doing so well so far am I?
But enough about resolutions! I am off to live them! I will spend the next several hours playing games with my daughter; speaking to her in a sweet and saintly voice completely devoid of offensive language, all while eating a piece of fruit and doing a few jumping jacks.
Whatever you resolve to do or be in the New Year, I wish you the best. Happy New Year and Best Wishes to all!