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The Day A Fish Died

July 8, 2014

Essays

fish

Last summer, I went swimming in the ocean, floating really, bobbing gently on the waves, in no more than three feet of water (see previous stories on fear of sharks.)  Normally, I would pee in the ocean, (hey, millions of animals pee in it every day, don’t judge me), but since I had been out of the water awhile and didn’t want to go back in right that minute, I went to the real bathrooms in the parking lot.

As I pulled down the bottom of my bathing suit, a dead fish, about two inches long, fell out and plopped onto the nasty concrete floor.

I stared at it in horror.  Not because a fish had been in my underpants, but because one had been flailing and gasping for air in there, spending the last few moments of its life, dying a gruesome death IN MY BATHING SUIT!

How had I not felt the poor little thing?  Tragically, there had been a point, when he swam into what he thought must have been a particularly enticing cave, while I was still in the water, and he must have been splish- splashing happily along and I NEVER FELT A FISH SWIMMING IN MY PANTS.

Then, after I inadvertently pulled him out of the water to his imminent death, I never felt him flopping around in his death throes either.

I can think of few more undignified ways of dying than in someone’s pants and they don’t even notice.

This also leads me to an obvious question:   Just how big IS my ass?  So big apparently, that I cannot feel a living creature DYING IN MY PANTS.

And I felt terrible, not only that he had died in such an ignoble way, and that my ass was apparently the size of a small pond, but that he died at all.  If only I had known he was there, I would have rescued him from the valley of death and set him free.

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About reneadijab

An official Opinionista, Renea has a little something to say about everything.

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2 Comments on “The Day A Fish Died”

  1. hashores Says:

    this brought me to tears, thank you! :)

    Reply

  2. hashores Says:

    this brought me to tears. thank you! :)

    Reply

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